Perhaps the second most common complaint I receive (problems is residence is first) is about elders and driving. The scenario begins
"I don't think dad should be driving anymore. his eyesight is not so good and his reflexes are defintiely too slow. but he won't give up his car! How can I make him stop before he kills somebody or gets hurt himself?"
First off - take comfort in knowing you are not alone in your delima. While there are 95 year olds still driving and doing so quite well, chances are your Dad or Mom are not included in their number. to make matters worse, the DMV (Dept, of Motor vehicles) only requires an eye test in order to renew their driver's license for 2 years!
Driving is both a skill and a privilidge. Individuals who have been excellent drivers all their lives can lose the cognitive and physical functions that enabled them. And when they do not recognize their limitations or refuse to acknowledge them, they become a danger to everyone else on the road. An example of just unrealistic they can is with Mr. X.
Mr. X was 87 years old when his son called me asking for help. Dad was still driving but could not see the curb when parked and kept climbing onto the sidewalk. He frequently got lost just going to the store 2 blocks away and recently a policeman had stopped him thinking he was drunk! Mr. X's son told his dad "you are going to end up hitting someone, maybe hurting them or killing them!" In a very uncharateristic response his Dad said "that's what I have insurance for!"
For a more in-depth look at how to handle the cars and keys problem click here. Below are a few fast tips that might help you right now!
1. Arrange for your loved one to have a physical therapist test his ability to drive. Theoretically,
if he does not pass that test, the therapist will notify DMV who is then supposed to rescind his driver's license.
2. Dad's car can develop "mechanical" problems. Take it in for a tune up and have the mechanic create a disabling event that take a VERY long time to repair.
3. The car can get "stolen".
4. Have the insurance triple. (You pay the regular bill and create a mock bill for a much higher amount - convince dad it is not worth spending the money just to keep driving)
5. Bite the bullet and take away the keys, remove the car and refuse to budge on the issue. Dad or mom will be furious but eventually will settle back downand may even use you as an example of "my kid really watches out for me" to their friends.
You have a moral responsibility to society-at-large that trumps your desire to have calm, peaceful relations with your loved ones. Just like your parents said when you were growing up "sometimes doing the right thing is hard.
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